I have decided to create this blog for journal purposes in tracking my fertility treatment. I hope that this will allow me to express myself in a sort of therapeutic way during this crazy journey we are about to embark.
Robert and I have been trying to conceive since June of 2005. Never did we think this would be an issue for us, after all we were perfectly healthy with no infertility history between our families. WOW, were we in for a rude awakening! Up to this point we have done lots of testing and procedures to the point that getting poked with a needle is like taking a shower for me, just part of my routine. I have been diagnosed with endometriosis (mild to moderate), for which the doctors have performed 2 surgeries. I was put on Clomid for 3 months for initial testing purposes by my gynecologist and then were referred to a specialist. She then put me on Clomid for one month for a "Clomid Challenge Test" and then we made the decision to step it up a notch and pursue more in depth testing and procedures. I have had 2 rounds of Clomid and IUI's and 4 rounds of Follistem with IUI's. The Follistem is an FSH injectable and is likely to have fantastic results, but not so much for me. We were still unable to conceive so we/I really needed a break from the meds and time to seriously consider our remaining options. 1st option is to pursue IVF, which is quite pricey and there are still no guaranteed results. 2nd option is to adopt which is considerably less expensive, but ... well, that's just not an option for us until we have tried everything we can.
Robert and I both are on the same page with all of this and it has never been an issue, just a matter of when do we want to go forward. Robert has been very sweet and supportive. He and I both want our own biological children, like most people but at the same time understand that it just might not be in the cards for us, considering recent test results. Our decision to proceed with IVF came after much prayer and cosideration until we both felt 100% comfortable that this is the time for us to tackle this challenge. Know that this is the right time for us does not in any way translate to we have received divine revelation that we will conceive a child through this process, but rather that we need this to be able to have closure in knowing that we have tried everything we can and in turn be able to move on with our lives. Wow! That sounds terrible, "move on with our lives"...but it is so true, at some point you have to just call it and accept that maybe its not meant to be...sad.
I guess for me having a child is that one thing I've always wanted, always dreampt of. Having the experience of seeing the two lines on a pregnancy test, sharing the news with my family, being sick and irritable, feeling that first kick, getting fat and knowing that my body will never be the same and know that WE created this being, together. That is a desire I have had since I was a young girl... but some dreams just can't come true. This is the reality that we are currently facing. I understand that we haven't even been through IVF yet, but being through what I have already experienced with trying and having the disappointment month after month, it kind of starts to take that little bit of spirit and excitement away, the thrill just isn't quite what it once was. Blah... I could go on and on and it would all sound like the pesemistic ramble that it is =)
Anyways, here we go...on an unexpected adventure together, completely dependant on each other for comfort and strength. I am eternally grateful for such an amazingly supportive husband that provides me with the strength that I would never otherwise be able find within myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment